A List

[x_magik]

I made a list today. I thought I would share it using my journal, since I have been accused (unfairly) of not sharing very much. Consider this less "damaging and mean" than "horrible and cruel". I would hate for you to be inaccurate on my account.

Nine Things I Will Do When You Are Less of a Moron

1. Be less judgmental.
2. Be more pleasant in the company of people I don't like.
3. Consider the feelings of others.
4. Listen openly to differing opinions.
5. Consider you to be a useful member of society.
6. Not disparage you behind your back.
7. Read meaningful, life-affirming books.
8. Stop making sarcastic lists.
9. Eat my vegetables.

Now if you'd just get cracking, I could become the girl I always wanted to be. You're really standing in my way.

Also, the next person who tries to convince me that I'm supposed to fix something I have no intention of fixing will be having a nice swim with some very territorial sharks. The next person to do it in my bedroom while I am involved in something that is more interesting than they are, like the 1931 Soviet famine, will not be so lucky.

Comments

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

That reminds me, there's this lightbulb in the rec room could use changing . . . chop chop. ;)

Kitty will be sad if I get eaten by sharks, just so you know. I probably will be too. Besides, I eat too much junk food, I'm unhealthy for sharks.

I'm speechless.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

I'm taking the opportunity to share here. I'm growing as a person. I'm walking in someone else's shoes. (Okay, I'm not walking in them, I just tripped over them. Who the hell owns yellow sho -- never mind.)

And you made me laugh. Shame on you, not taking my emotional growth seriously.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

For full sarcastic and comedic effect, "Stop making sarcastic lists" should have been last on the list. ;-)

Meaningful and life-affirming books are overrated.

Does making funny comments about your sarcastic list count as telling you to fix things? Because I think Angie would be very sad if I was eaten by sharks. :-(

I think I could learn to like you.

[x-empath.livejournal.com]

Sharks never want to eat me. But waiting for people to be less of a moron is ultimately futile.

Trust me, I know.


Manuel

YES!

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I would be just a -little- upset if you were fed to sharks.

...

Is it a bad thing that I can answer the question "Where would Illyana get sharks' myself? It worries me that I can figure out how she would go about doing that...

Re: YES!

[x-rahne.livejournal.com]

Well, I can think of how you would get sharks....

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

No, my list doesn't count. I accept criticism for the list, although as the condition for me to do all those things will probably never be met it is all theoretical, really.

Really, I think it is a very thorough list and needs no fixing.

Number eight would have been last, only I wrote down number eight and realised I had entitled my list 'Nine Things...' so clearly the only course of action was to add something to the end.

Re: I think I could learn to like you.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

I never said I expected anyone to become smarter. I know better than that now.

Time here has made me very cynical, you see.

Re: YES!

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

Getting the sharks, definitely not a problem. Well, getting to them, anyway. I'm not sure how much good they'd do me were I simply to procure them.

Don't worry, I don't intend to feed Doug to any sharks anyway.

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

Oh, see. Now I'm conflicted. Half of me wants to take you out for Shirley Temples. The other half wants to run screaming.

You pose quite a conundrum, miss.

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

I'm a bad, bad, frivolous person with no respect for personal growth, that's what I am. I should be stopped. Except not by sharks.

Yeah, but the last time I died, it knocked me on my butt for a day and gave me this really killer headache, and I'm not in a screaming hurry to do it again. Besides, sad Kitty.

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

You're a bad influence, that's what. Preventing me from doing whatever happy optimistic people do. I'm sure it involves sparkles.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

I do seem to mystify people. I can't imagine why.

However... At the risk of sounding like the poor Russian peasant girl I am, what on earth is a Shirley Temple? The internet is giving me black-and-white pictures of some blond kid, and my impression of you is not cannibalistic.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

She does rip off her own skin. You can't tell me that's not a little suspicious. ;)

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am. I'm nefariously preventing you from reclaiming your old sparkly fairy wings and tiara. What a horrible person is me.

Yeah, I tend to find it pretty convincing myself. I tell you what, though, if you ever need to drop me in the middle of a herd of wildebeest, go for it. Wildebeest is fun to say.

[x-cypher.livejournal.com]

As long as she doesn't rip off her skin to reveal her true alien form and then go to live on Steve Guttenberg's yacht, it's not as bad as it _could_ be... :)

[x-foliate.livejournal.com]

You watch that wiley tongue of yours, Jamie-dear. Otherwise, I might accidentally be forced to slip some of my sheddings in your bed.

Anyways, a Shirley Temple is a drink. Ginger ale and a little grenadine. Some people make it with orange juice and cherry syrup, which is also good, although, I really don't know how they got it confused.

Re: YES!

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

Oh, brillant, because if you did feed him to sharks, I would be forced to predict something truly terrible for you.

...

Well, if I had my cards and wanted a headache, so really this is just better all around for everyone.

...

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

It could be worse. She could rip off her skin and -eat- it. Some bugs do that.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Eeew. Sheddings. I'd have to sterilize my sheets. Good one. :)

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

Ah. That makes much more sense. Thanks.

Re: YES!

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

Agreed. This way, no one is eaten and no one is predicted to have a horrible death (for example).

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

Oh, gods, the wings. I'd almost forgotten them. Yet thanks to you I can no longer challenge certain other people for gaudiest mansion resident. Damn.

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

You can get away with stuff like that when you're seven. When I was seven I ran around in nothing but Superman underwear as often as I could get away with it, and you don't see me doing that now. For which you may be appropriately thankful.

But more fun to say. That's very important.

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

I will maintain that after the age of seven sparkles are not a necessary or enviable item in any woman's wardrobe.

Superman underwear?

Well, I think I'm more than appropriately grateful for that. It would be a bit silly, even speaking from a mansion-wide big-picture perspective.

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Conceded.

And yeah. My mom took a picture one time, and Kitty might still be using it as her desktop wallpaper, but while I'm told it was really cute (as opposed to incredibly embarrassing) it's not something anybody needs to see me do now.

Are there any?

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-snowflake.livejournal.com]

Someone gave it to people outside your family?

That's a bit embarrassing.

Re: I'm speechless.

[x-crowdofone.livejournal.com]

Nah, just Kitty, and she counts.

Well, and Alison, but she counts too. At least I think Alison's got that one, she has most of the others because of a deeply frightening conspiracy with my mother.

That's a good point. On the other hand, the wildebeests have that "exotic location" thing going for them.